I found out I had an std while I was pregnant, and the doctor gave him and I medication to get rid of the std. He admitted he deleted the emails as they came in. You can be free, you can be healthy, you can learn to love again if you so choose. And, why even ten years later does it become so important to know if he had sex? What woman on here, who has suffered seeing her husband cheat by virtue of finding photos, text messages or any other way would tell you to have an affair with a married man? He still finds me physically attractive because he still wants me but I feel that he is trying to distance himself from me. and love him much as before. Please feel free to come back anytime and let me know how youre doing! Instead, either ask them to come to you or pay for a cab. And Signs He Does, Why Do Guys Like Anal? April, your response to this woman was perfect! Since the discovery of an affair, it may be hard to believe that your spouse has any concern for you at all. He knows I know. But the next day it was missing again so I asked why and he said he threw it away and if I looked in the garbage and I said no but I had already threw the garbage outhe said I made a big deal out of it so he threw it away but why not the rest of the condoms? Hes always gone on his off days early in the am til late in the pm and on his work days he dont come home after work. He is remorseful at hurting me and our marriage. I confronted him n he denied it even with proof. but any time I confront him now he gets very angry and very defensive. I also pray for strength and energy to find ways to change your life and become happy again. I happened to find out recently that someone I know knows her and her history and said that my husband really wasnt doing anything wrong and also that there is no way this woman is interested in him. I have no desire in starting over in a new relationship. But would i know i was sleeping the whole time this happened and who knows what happened or for how long he was gone for. It will help you to level your feelings and understand what you might want to do in regards to your marriage. It took my friend 6 years to forgive her husband and learn to trust him again after he cheated. They are always my work colleagues and are always independently minded, intelligent and highly educated women with a penchant for fashion, as is my wife, and two of them (who also knew each other) after admitting the affair to her became my wifes friends too, along with their husbands. Hes adamant that he would never cheat. All came up negative. His problem is he is constantly suspicious of me and waiting for me to pay him back even though I have assured him I wont. I will pray for God to give you strength. I found strange underware but we all joked it off. Im all alone. NOW iam a very happy person in very healthy, happy, protective relationship. He tells me he cant keep doing these daily talks because he has told me everything and doing so will hurt our relationship further. Its time you reassess yourself and really determine your self worth. Its on you at this point to get out of this. Please. Not from him or the therapist. He would only hug if he wanted sex. We hadnt had sex for three weeks and that night we had sex. I know I should trust my instincts but after 20 yrs? I cant find one because I have an iPhone and he has an android. I found texts to an ex girlfriend where he sent pi of penis and dirty texts like wish I was there in bed with u Id keep I warm. Like when we have financial issues he sits me down and always reassures me that we will make it through it. He always says he loves me and would never dream of cheating, and is just the sweetest guy.. but lately, he finds excuses to get away from the house, I found lube in his car, then just today, I see that he left for work without his ring on. I dont know why I still love him but I do LOVE him. He has his cell phone attached to his side constantly only to turn it off and LOCKED when hes sleeping. i was confussed i decided to take a boyfriend but could not work out everytime the boyfriend phoning me to meet i go and if he touched me i think of my boyfriend and leave i did not do anything with him but was trying becouse of anger. The last clue, but an easy one is to look back at phone records. At this point my Husband did not mind. 3 more months went by and he popped the question and of course I said yes. Most but not all! NARCISSUS I didnt even know what that word meant until I Googled it. So now there`s none of that. As someone who was cheated on, I know all too well the pain, humiliation, and, at least in my case, the feelings of worthlessness that came with it. I have been keeping track of my husbands erectile dysfunction meds and today discovered one was gone and he is planning a business trip to Calgary. Honestly, I dont know where to start. The risk is huge for a married couple not only emotionally and mentally but financially. He comes home after work majority of the time but lately he has been pulling away from me, we are not as intimate as we used to be and he seems to not be as open with me ( with his feelings and just things in general) we used to tell each other everything. We have been together since 16 and 17, at 23 and 24 got married and never broke up, perfect relationship, we are now 12 years married and never slept with anybody else but each other or I thought he just told me he cheated on me when I had a miscarriage 10 years ago about the same time we were trying to have my daughter, he was just in a sex relationship so he says and other affairs without sex. Are You Jealous When Your Boyfriend Talks to His Ex? I hinted toward it a few times and then he finally realized what I was getting at. Everytime he goes to visit them. I am having panic attacks all the time. He tries to put it back on me saying Im paranoid. Tell me what three things you most want to see happen with your husband and your life. after being together for a few months we got married and all I could think was how wonderful he was and what a blessing he is to me and my daughter. I told him that I had given him an opportunity to tell me the truth but he didnt. the most concerning things to me are we have a picture on our fridge from his work a x mas card he looks at the picture a lot and just the other day he said sasha is in that picture i said ok you have been taking quite a bit about her recently he said no i have not shes ugly and tries to hard. Do you think your husband has cheated on you? I wouldnt have asked if he didnt lie in the first place! No hand holding no romance pretty much nothing!!! One desperate night, I even attempted suicide. All his bragging and talk was nothing but empty words.. could this been a sign that he is cheating on me. Their texts began in December, it was now August, they were more and more each month, he called her when out of town before he called me, they texted every day as soon as they left work, he called her on the weekends etc. When i confronted him about it he got so angry. when you ask your man are you cheating on me, you are actually saying in your place, I would have already cheated, I cant believe you havent yet. That is why part of me wants to believe he's innocent. You wont regret it!!!!! Why do I stay? Im not sure how to answer your question I dont know if your husband is lying about cheating! Once you do, you'll find there is a subtle thing you can say that to him that will drastically change how he shows his emotions towards you. I dont understand. Had sex with 2 of my friends before and after we got married. My husband password protects his phone (meaing you cant make calls, see texts or emails without a password). He wont tell you whether or not he is having an affairand you need to decide if you can continue on in your marriage this way. My world was shattered. Im not sure why Im with him. I wasted the best years of my life on an alcoholic piece of sh*t that could care less about me, even though i supported him financially, fed him, clothed him. Im wanting to tell her, he KNOWS Im NOT afraid of speaking up, taking full responsibility & spilling the beans! he responds by saying, thats so weird, i dunno babe. He then says she must just want him and is trying to ruin him and that hes going to lose his job when he goes back to work. Which he hasnt done for me. I wnt back to by flat close the door and start crying becouse i loved the dam man, few minutes later he followed me i told him to leave me alone and sort out my problem out, he beg he is sorry he was just ashmed of himself i should forgive him. If youre still struggling after a time, its more than likely that your marriage cannot be saved. Years later I told him that was the cruelest thing a partner could do their spouse! He comes home in matter of minutes, and Ive been crying my eyes out. We have been together for 8. Over time, it will help you work through your feelings and help you decide what your next steps should be. I so sorry ur going through this. And it was probably wise not to confront your husband immediately, without first trying to gain additional information. Leave him. thank u in advance. This will give you the space you need to think and decide what you would like to do next. I too have been in this marriage for almost 20 years now. Once you get through that you will feel good and be empowered. He is a military man n hard to read at times. He would even try and hide it, but I loved him soo much I didnt see what may never change with him. My name hannan iam filipina live in saudi arabia middle east I been maried 3 years, my husband saudian, I was in loved with him because he was a sweet, loving but he always lying on me, not only once,twice million times thats whyI changed. I know chlamydia is and std and I even went to a specialist to see if there was any explanation other than cheating. Or we plant the idea of cheating in their heads, and they go ahead and cheat because we kept talking about it or accusing them of cheating. Gary Neuman has been a marriage therapist for 23 years. We split up for over a month 2 this day I do not no were he stayed during that time we moved he started staying gone from 4 am until 2 in the afternoon with his buddy leaving me alone I address how lonely I was but still continued to leave me alone I go to jail he moves out the next day and into his buddies home who he shared with another woman he never came to see me left me 13 dollars in 32 days and took 4 calls just a couple days before I got out. This is the point where we start a steady decline. Though, as petty as it may appear, I have to defend myself by saying he worked away for weeks at a time and when he did come home, there was a lot of partying, etc. I say where text a friend of his stating that he just put one of the realest girl her had ever met on a plane. Can you be yourself in this relationship? I then started finding dating site profiles for him..so he was confronted about this he did deny until I told him I was going to call the number,truth came out .We started going to consoling together and he found out about many of my past problems with abuse and rapes..he knew I needed help . When we arrived he was drinking and laughing like it was no big deal he had been gone for so long. He has done meth, weed and huffing . I felt sick, he was crying and I told him you were not crying when you did this. I thought-what a coward. You have to learn how to deal with the situation and find out FOR SURE if he is cheating or not. Awful. I used to think I was special to him and he would never cheat on me. It helps to know your husband well. He gave me his pass code to his phone and email password and he never keeps his phone attached to him when he sleeps or is in the house and he leaves it laying around me.but could this be my paranoia? When I suggested that monogomy was unnatural by no means was I trying to imply that what I was suggesting was factual or applied to everybody. I know he was with other people before we got together and he says she is a stalker but I talked to her and she knew everything about him. Im a very young 43 and hes 31, from another country and was honest about seeking a green card but I told him thats not what Im interested in helping him with. C what he wants and what u want. When I was 6 months pregnant he mentioned he was unhappy in our relationship. It not just the direct lies its the stories and the elaborate effort he makes to hide his lies. I have been getting anonimous emails about my husband seeing another woman since last year. I mean who goes on there honeymoon and leaves his new wife in bed well your down at the bar getting drunk with another woman and going for a walk on the beach. I tried to do that however; I found myself getting depressed, moody and becoming someone I refuse to be. He maintains this woman is in no way, shape or form interested in him. What you observe and what your boyfriend says to you isnt as important as what your spidey senses are telling you. Were barely past our first wedding anniversary. In June of 2010 a new Secretary was hired in his department. I am sure that in my shoes, and reasonable person would begin to start questioning the logic of ones partner when nothing about their decision makes logical or economical sense- and when it starts to overtly impact on ones relationship to the point that the intimacy vanishes I would be a fool not to consider the possibility that perhaps there was something else going on. I finally got ahold of him at 4:00 a.m. and he says that his phone died. For the most part, we get along great. Facing the world on my own. I cant really explain it, and I dont know if he makes comments to test me or to try to get me to stop talking about exs and making him uncomfortable, but I wish he could just tell me how he feels. Now my husband has gotten angry, mad in our conversations. He had been acting weird more secretive than usual, especially with his cell phone. Jan, If you happen to see this Id LOVE the link to that motivation video. Asked him to give her up, he would not. We dont speak, she looks at the ground and leaves the room when I come in which I do some just to taunt her. Its ok to stand up for yourself, its ok to want to be treated fairly and with love and respect. Im sure you must feel horribly confused! Having an affair is just not adultery, it includes lying, deception and breaks a vow and trust between the couple. I have and is still married to a man for 19 years. But when you say that when my husbands bestfriend is a cheater he has the tendency to cheat too, I am so afraid of that. Should I comfront him about it or should I dismised as a guy thing? Constantly trying to make up for his mistakes and telling me he loves me everyday and that hasnt changed but a week ago I seen some disturbing texts between him and his fast friend concerning a females number and her calling my husband that Sunday night on his cell.we had made plans to spend that Sunday together but he never came home from work that morning we he finally called he said he was taking a Co worker to a pet store in another town and then to a second town anyway he never comes home all night.next day when I confront him he blows up and we argue for two days and hes constantly been hanging out at night and I just dont know which way to go anymore my heart is in many pieces I try to trust but my heart cant my stomach turns at the thought I just cant go through the past again I need serious help I have no strength left. to the site, and we connected. They dont make good fathers either. Ive always have a gut feeling that my husband has cheated on me, but Ive never been able to prove it. Doesnt matter. Dear reader, Please help me am confused and i dont know what to do or where to go, i bought my husband a ticket to go to Tunisia on 17juin 2014 when he arrived the next day he phoned me from that country and he i have not heard from him till 27 juin, i tried to phone him without success he bought a ticket on 18 juin next day and flew to morroco, i had that thing say to me that he is cheating because this is not the first time i confronted him but he denies all the times i found numerous time phone numbers that he was calling morocco and i tried that number and that was a women who replied to me and saying his name, when he came back home he hide his passport i asked him where he was he told me that he was in tunisia but he was not i search for hi passport and found it when i confronted him he just ripped the pages of the passport and he gave me the passport to check i can see there is missing pages in the passport he walked away he kept silent till now please help me i dont know what to do. He says he has told me everything after initially lieing. I pray for you, your husband, and your family. She took lots of narcotic pain pills and it changed her personality. Respectfully, Been There. Cant find Mr Right if your with Mr Wrong. From that time, he stopped touching me, sex happened habitually when he wanted it and did not include any intimate kissing or foreplay at all. I hope you have friends or family that you can lean on, to help you through this. To not have their lies be uncovered or mixed up. but he doesnt bother looking for a new job. Its hard to know if you should confront your husband about lying about cheating, or just accept what he says. My boys never knew, which was my one objective. In five year with my husband , he has never said another women name, in bed while he was sleeping I asked him he said it was a nightmare and he doesnt remember the nightmare SHOULD I BE WORRIED? Im sorry he did this. Ill keep you in my thoughts and prayers. My Husband Cheated On Me (10 Things You Should Do Immediately), The most important thing you need to do after hearing this devastating news is to find out if its, 1: Make Sure Hes Actually Cheating On You, 10: If You Take Your Husband Back, Make Sure Youre Happy, A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Id talk to a counselor and divorce lawyer as soon as possible, just to start thinking about what lies ahead if you decide to leave. he just does according to him. Now it has been almost a year that my husband do not show felings, he doesnt tell me he loves me, we dont do any kind of activity together. i dont get how guys can be so messed up. I have been there.In December i found out..aBen out my husband i lost weigh,could not eat or sleep.,but as time goes by it gets a bit better.Please talk to someone i have flash backs but just make sure you take care of yourself first. After work his excuse to get drunk is that its my fault. Think of porn as drinking coffee. The sad part is I want my kids to have a mommy and daddy under one roof. We sorted it and move on, he got a new job and the lies are back but this time he lied about a business trip and who he went with. 2. You are worth more than that. I promise you, sweetheart, get out before he gains all his control of you, and you get trapped like I am, with no money, no friends, alienated from your family and friends, unable to even go to the store to get groceries, because he will eventually, if he allows you to work, will make you give him every dollar you make!! I have no way of catching him at anything he hides his browsing history on his computer, etc. Just do a little research and youll get the Idea. whiteflag said: My husband gave me an STD, he wont admit that he cheated and tries to get me to believe that maybe I had it for yrs (we been married 6) and Im just seeing the signs. Was never really a caring parent. But he constantly lies to me and i know he does even when i catch him and he knows he has been caught he finds away to turn it around and make me look like the bad guy. Ok so I dont know if I need advice or answers maybe both right now my boyfriend or fiance has been going through issues. I was in the same situation with my wife many years ago. It was weirdhe says he loves me and talks about future plans and is looking for a house to buy for us but when I talk to him about my feelings he changes the subject a lot or doesnt look like he is listeningsorry this is so long but please pleases help me with some advice. They been together over 23 years but married 17 years. Work is work when he is there and he worked dang hard at his job. That is the true loss in my story. Then I found out he had also been secretly spending time and contacting a young couple half his age. What should I do? Battling addiction was part of the crisis with our marriage. He was very defensive and didnt apologize for worrying me until the end of our conversation. Its hard to pretend in front of our husband that were ok even were not but sometimes we need to be an actress in front of them. I felt like the STUPIDEST woman alive!! My son begs me wait til he is in mid teens to leave his father, but am so misable. If cancer cant bring you down, neither will this! If your wife is suspicious of you, its because you are behaving suspiciously. Why would you want to be with a man who does this to other women when hes in a relationship with you? Your strength will grow. I waited 30 years,same stuff,now go running. LADIES KNOW YOUR SELF WORTH! He is some what awkward in things, but over all, people enjoy his company except they always ask me..why is he so quiet? Has he been faithful to you for the past ten years? 1. Then from activity log I can see who he sent friend requests, who he deleted. He even told me I am nothing compared to her, that I suck in bed. So the lesson learned is does not help to try mend a broken marriage if i you meant so little for him to cheat what has made me think that it could of changed, Stupid Charmaine lesson learnt, Suspect my husband is cheating after a few months of marriage. He has always been a salesperson. Given my boy friend and i got together bsck in july 2010 and i got pregnant as soon as we got together. Get psychologial help. I feel hes lying to me about any type of affair w her. Relationship advice for women and men on quips and tips for love and relationships. May you find the right people and resources to help you through this stage of your life, and may you be strong even when you feel like your world is falling apart. Dont mess with a bad husband cause at the end people will put all the fault on the woman. This is especially important as you might be wrong. so i told him if i go alone i will have the baby early. Sexting and video sex. Would you believe him again? Then other weeks, its as if he cant have enough sex with me. He swears up and down its not what I think. If you could give me any advice i would appreciate it. Dont wait till he leaves for someone else! Hey anonymous, I have an advice question for you. Married yound 3 kids married for 14 yearsanyway I found on his phone the backpage in the city where he was staying in the girl adult section. Has he been unfaithful? My husband has been seeing this other woman for about 6 months now. I hope you two got counseling. and face whatever if he was really sorry and remorseful so he did and he is begging for forgiveness and said he will never do it again and he was stupid and he just was curious to know what it felt to be with somebody else, had no feelings for any of them but feels horrible for doing it and keeping it a secret and he wants and loves me and knows for sure that he deserves anything I decide, it has been 3 months he cries and gives me love notes, prays every day, reads the bible, goes to church, goes to confession, and signed up us to a Marriage encounter so I wont leave him, he says he will give his live for me to be a happy person now and to give him an opportunity even though he knows he does not deserve it. He just blames it on stress with work. Theresa, Sweetie, you are wasting your time. I live for 39 he 23 years. I was able to hear how far the relationship had gone. It was a friend, who also disliked the girl. Yes, it will be horrible to hear but, when it comes to unfaithfulness, its best to know everything. As he walks away he tells me to think about it. Except his tell tale previous behavior of .only when Im vocally upset. so after all of that we worked out our differences and he moved in with me and my parents house everything was going great then bout 3months of everything going great i found out that he was going to see his other baby mama behind my back we fight argue he leaves for a week and then he comes back and everythings good for a month or so then i find out he is still lying to me about talking to his other baby mama and lying to me about doing pills and how much money he has and what he spent it on jus this last week so he kept asking me if i wanted him to leave and i told him to do what he wanted he is a big boy and guess what he packed his stuff and left now he keeps txting me saying he needs me he loves me he dont kno why he left i jus dont kno what to do i have 2 kids and i kno its not good for them to see us fightin i mean only one of my kids is his but still i dont kno what to do ne more. 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